he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm too high and old for this...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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