Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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