I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
NoShamevember. You game?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
