No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
