hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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