i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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