Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
