4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't deserve a penis
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize