Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
