I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
