Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
