I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
