someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
