he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
