Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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