If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
