fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
how drunk are you?
Several
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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