I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
