So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
being pregnant is like rehab
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
