I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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