Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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