I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
