New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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