I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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