got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
