Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
