Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
