I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
