Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
