After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
