Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
