I'm so fucking centered right now
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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