You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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