I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
