How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
