im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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