anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
