I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize