You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
