Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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