So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
