The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
BRING THE BAGELS
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
