I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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