I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
