Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
