Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
