Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
