just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
