i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
