i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
