You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
