my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
