I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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