Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
