i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
