Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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