I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
