go do what you do best...puke behind churches
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
