I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
