like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
