My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
