So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize