Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
