Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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