I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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