North Korea, Best Korea!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
