it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize