I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What a fucking waste of an outfit
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
