I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
