Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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