just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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