I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize