It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
dude. I can hear the air.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize