I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
