Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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