I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
